This is true for all of us. The pain related to Growth and Change is temporary, but the pain related to Staying Stuck persists until we become un-stuck. Which is worse? As a Personal Success Coach, my job is helping people get un-stuck and move confidently towards what they really want. What is it that you really want? I invite you to share it with me.
How much adversity are you dealing with right now? Are you on a losing streak that has got you down? If not now, chances are that you have experienced one before, and if you are like most of us, it had a very negative effect on your attitude. Being the emotional creatures that we are, it’s quite natural to feel frustrated, disappointed, even bitter and angry.
I am very impressed with the attitude of a pro football player whose team has now lost 24 straight games…that’s one-and-a-half full football seasons since his last taste of victory. Antonio Smith is playing for the Oakland Raiders who have lost all 10 of their games this season. Last year, Antonio played for the Houston Texans who lost their last 14 games. As demanding a sport as football is, can you imagine how sour 24 consecutive defeats must taste? Here is what Antonio had to say about it:
“I see no cause in burning up a ship, and any time you come at anything with a negative outlook, that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re killing yourself from the inside out.”
He’s right! It’s natural to feel down, allow yourself to feel it – give the negative feelings their moment. Then ask yourself – what can I learn from this? Next, tell yourself that it’s time to move on. Use the learning to make positive adjustments and use the experience to fuel your drive for your next “win”. Don’t continue to give your time/energy to a negative attitude. If a turnaround is what you want, give your time/energy to a better cause — FAITH and HOPE, and then follow up with whatever ACTIONS you believe will lead to better results. Your next win is just around the corner…and the more you focus on that, the closer it gets.
If you are struggling with a negative attitude and you would welcome some help turning it around, reach out to us for support.
Of all the leadership traits that have been identified, assessed, developed, and written about, I’d like to focus on one that is at the top of my list – Leaders Must Serve Others. Think of Gandhi and MLK.
This “attitude for service” is most often learned and demonstrated before we get our first ‘management’ job. It starts with how we lead ourselves as individual contributors and team members.
It’s amazing how influential our leadership style can be to others – our coworkers, suppliers, clients, community, family, etc. People see the inherent goodness in it and realize that it really is worthy of emulating. When you are on the receiving end of someone else’s act of service, it awakens your spirit and warms your heart. We then have this urge to pay-it-forward because the rewarding feelings from being on the giving-end are equally wonderful…we can see it in the face of the person who just gave to us. And who doesn’t want to have that?
Plato said: “He who is not a good servant will not be a good master.”
This lesson is stressed in my coaching program. Effective leaders are born from having been good followers. They are observant, they learn from their leaders, and they take the best of themselves and what they have learned from others and incorporate that into their style of leadership.
In a leadership book called Synchronicity by Joseph Jaworski, which was gifted to me by a friend and former coworker, Ernesto Aguero, the author agrees that leadership is about serving others and that leadership is about a state of being, not doing. Jaworski goes further by defining leadership as about learning how to shape the future, a choice to allow life to unfold through us, and the importance of seeing the world as made up of relationships. When we are wholly accepting of each other, we see everyone’s value and potential, we focus on their positives not their negatives, you provide an opening through which others can bring forward their very best self without reservation. We all should focus on this because often this part of leadership is the most rewarding.
If this is an area that you want to better develop, let’s talk.
Hey, it’s still football season – my favorite sports time of the year. So why not another motivating quote from the gridiron:
Vince Lombardi – “Confidence is contagious, so is lack of confidence.”
We all know how true this is. If we are paying attention, we see this concept play out every day in our lives…at work, at home, and at play. When you have confidence in what you are doing, your performance will most often meet or exceed your expectations…and you’ll perform with little to no stress. However, when you don’t have confidence you will more often perform below your expectations and experience the discomfort of doubt and worry.
We all want to operate with more confidence, though it can be hard to come by in 3 these situations:
- You have performed poorly in the past
- You have never done before
- Same task but much larger scale than anything you’ve done in the past
I immediately think of 5 work examples for the above situations:
- Starting a new business
- Expanding an existing business
- Starting a new job
- Taking a promotion
- Changing careers
Many other examples come to mind in our home/play life – dating, marriage, parenting, home improvement projects, sports, hobbies, games, parties, etc.
We typically gain confidence with something through having performed it successfully in the past. But why wait for success to show up. You can gain confidence whenever you need it…even before your first attempt at something.
Confidence, like Success, is a MINDSET, an ATTITUDE, which you can choose to shift to the positive. Those who don’t consciously choose their mindset are left to whatever their “default” mindset is in the situations described above…which for most people is fear, doubt, worry – lack of confidence.
Using confidence-building auto-suggestion techniques and support from a coach/mentor/peer, you can create the “can do, will do” mindset needed to perform at your best. And, isn’t that what we all really want…to do our best?
If you would like advice on how to gain confidence and bring out your best, let’s talk.
Tom Pearson – Personal Success Coach
I know the Series has been over for 10 days now, but I have to call-out a terrifying moment from the 7th and final game – a moment that I’d bet almost everyone has experienced in one way or another.
The “collapse” that I’m referring to was not that of any player, coach, or fan. It was the collapse by Rick Wilde, the Chevrolet executive that muffed his MVP Award presentation speech. When he took the mic, he was sweating and panting…which was a sign of his nervousness and what was to come. He tripped himself up in his first sentence, and continued from there to muff one sentence after another, even the ones that were written on the cue cards he had in his hand (when was the last time you saw a presenter of such an award use cue cards). It was painful to watch Rick, I felt for him as he collapsed under the weight of this big moment for him and Chevrolet.
In speaking with friends in the days after, we all speculated on what caused Rick to be so out of sorts. Did he not have time to prepare, hadn’t he given a million presentations throughout his career? Who knows, though I do know that he would not have been hand-picked to represent Chevrolet and their millions of dollars invested in the World Series if he was not a very capable public speaker. So what happened?
I think Rick perceived the moment to be bigger than himself…than his ability. He surely felt the pressure to deliver – which he had no doubt felt many times before, though I doubt he had ever delivered on a stage with tens of millions in the audience. In that way, this was a new experience and magnificent opportunity, and I believe Rick wanted very badly to do well. Rick did not handle pressure. Hasn’t this happened to you too?
We psych ourselves out, not up…and what we fear may happen, does happen. In pressure moments with lots at stake, we all have self-doubts. We are human and imperfect. And if we allow those doubts to dominate our mind, we’re very likely to experience the result we fear. So what to do?
Make a decision to change your thoughts – “Change The Channel”, as I call it, when the thoughts that are playing inside your head don’t support/serve you. Don’t sit idly and listen to that negative mental chatter – choose to think the opposite – how great you are going to do. Choose to see your butterflies as signs of excitement and anticipation of a positive experience/result. This is exactly what I do and how I advise my clients to do. See everyone as wanting you to do great. Don’t you think the MSBL Commissioner, Chevrolet, and the MVP himself wanted Rick to nail it? Of course!
So the next time you are in a position to grow, to risk, by taking on something of a bigger magnitude than you have ever experienced, remember to “Change The Channel” when your self-doubts begin to flare. You have the power to think whatever you want, so choose the thoughts that stoke your confidence, that calm your nerves, and that allow you to be as big or bigger than the moment and to enjoy the experience. If you find this difficult to do, let’s talk.
Tom Pearson – Personal Success Coach
Do you remember my Inspiring Thought from yesterday? It was a football related quote from Vince Lombardi – “The man who wins, is the man who thinks he can.”
If you watched the Giants-Royals World Series game last night, you too saw the play of the San Francisco Giants epitomized this quote, and my thoughts that went with the quote. Before going on, I should admit that I am a SF Giants fan all the way, so my apologies to any KC Royals fans.
These are the 6 traits that I noticed in the S.F. Giants players during last night’s game:
- DESIRE & CONFIDENCE – or better known as the “willing and able” combination that is foundational to success.
- FAITH – each player looked like they believed in themselves, and believed in their teammates (we all have teammates – fellow employees, management, customers, suppliers, family, friends).
- INTENSE FOCUS – laser like concentration on everything within your control…their mindset and their actions.
- PATIENCE & PERSISTENCE – the players never looked panicked as they fell behind 4-1 and knowing that they had not yet been successful in the later innings against the Royals “Big 3” bull-pen pitchers.
- MOMENTUM – this word is often referred to in sports. After the Giants got their 2nd run, it quickly led to their 3rd, 4th, 5th…and on to their 11th. Their performance kept improving to the point that they built in insurmountable lead and broke the Royals confidence.
- ATTITUDE – winning breeds winning because an attitude is created that is based on real experiences of success. This one word sums up all of the others before it.
I have to confess that I was starting to panic for the Giants until my cousin Jack (a huge Giants fan) calmed me by saying “Hey, it’s only the 3rd inning, there’s a lot of time left. The Giants just have to stay in the game by chipping away at the lead, no problem.” The SF Giants have a well-deserved reputation for coming from behind and winning, and they did just that and WON (by a lot).
I love sports and it’s fun to see a team showcase the traits of success and win. There are big lessons to learn from the world of sports, like the ones that I outlined above, and those lessons are easily applied to success in all other endeavors – work, relationships, health, community, and spirituality.
I’m getting ready for Game 5 of the World Series with one thought…GO GIANTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom Pearson – Tom@OwnMyGreatness.com
It’s football season, so timing is right for a good quote by Vince Lombardi – “The man who wins, is the man who thinks he can.”
Is this to say that the man who thinks he can’t win, won’t win? I’m not a big believer in the Always/Never absolutes, and I’ve seen people accomplish things that they did not think they could…which is always cool and inspiring to see. That said, if you had to choose which of two equally skilled/experienced people would be more likely to hit a goal…one thinks they can’t and the other thinks they can…which one would you choose…which one would you hire, whose business would you invest in, which would you choose as a business partner? I’m choosing the ‘believer’ every time.
Confidence and faith is a fundamental characteristic for success. We are willing to do more and we will do it better if we are operating from a confident mindset, rather than a mindset of fear, worry, or doubt. That’s why one’s mental/emotional condition will most often be the difference between success and failure. Our dominating thoughts will gradually transform themselves into physical reality…so we must be very aware of our internal dialogue. Using both our Imagination and our Will Power, we must persistently hold in our mind the outcome that we desire against all distracting thoughts/opinions.
As Napoleon Hill wrote, “What you can conceive and believe, you can achieve.” To build your confidence, every day you should read and repeat positive affirmations and visualize your success. Using the power of suggestion will create a better mindset…and when your mindset improves, so too will your results.
If you could use some tips on how to develop a more empowering, positive mindset, we at Own My Greatness are happy to help you.
There is a growth opportunity in every challenge we face, if we choose to look for it. Some lessons are obvious and others require longer periods of contemplation. Ask, why did this situation come to me? Did I in some way attract this situation and, if so, for what positive purpose? What can I learn from this situation? Trust me, I’m asking myself these questions right now about the 6 years that my wife and I spent parenting and giving ourselves completely to two foster care kids, only to realize that we reached our capacity to give before their issues were even close to being resolved. I never imagined that in giving 110% of our love, care, and comfort, that these kids would not out-grow their behavioral issues. I was taught a great lesson in human development and behavior alright, and I’m still seeking to understand the role that we were meant to play in these kids’ lives. I’ve never been through anything so difficult, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I do not doubt that answers to questions we have about our role in the lives of these children will come in time. I do know that this situation tested our resolve every day for 6 years, and we gave everything we had to give. The toughest situations do harden our mettle, and teach us that we have more courage and capacity than we likely give ourselves credit for. So when you are faced with a stressful challenge, know that there is a gift in it for you…and it will reveal itself if you look for it.
“When you realize that every stressful moment you experience is a gift that points you to your own freedom, life becomes very kind.” By Byron Katie
Tom Pearson – www.OwnMyGreatness.com
Your mind is always working, all day and all night, 24/7. Here’s the thing – your mind is either working for you or against you all the time, and you get to choose. Depending on your state of mind – faith or fear, desire or doubt – your mind will ensure that you get exactly what you expect and believe you are worthy of receiving. If you choose to believe, really believe, that you should receive what you want…your mind goes to work for you and helps you find the ways to get it. Your mind has an amazing and predictable capacity to give you the ideas, solutions, and the resources needed to solve your challenges and reach your goals. The mind is s your Secret Genie that is saying to you “your wish is my command”. So tell your Secret Genie what you want, why you want it, that you are deserving, and then do what is needed with total faith in a positive outcome…and your results will improve dramatically.
The challenge in this fairly simple approach lies in our Inner Beliefs – self doubt, fear, worry, insecurity, distrust – and a variety of defeating personal characteristics like Indecision, Procrastination, Laziness, Disorganization, and Apathy. You can learn to change any of these that you have, and you must change these if you want to improve your results. I can provide a variety of resources to help you improve your mental and emotional approach. So reach out for a no-obligation helping hand, as I’m glad to share what helped me discover how to command my Secret Genie.
Getting what we want in our lives requires a minimum of these things:
- Faith In Oneself
- Burning/Passionate Desire
- Persistent/Continuous Action.
These are the basics and, yes, there are other factors and personality attributes that influence our results. To get the Universal Laws of Cause and Effect, Vibration/Attraction, and others working with us…we need to use our Imagination to build and hold in the screen of our mind the image of what we want and who we want to become. We use our Will Power to focus on and hold this this image in our mind every day, and through Repetition, we convince our mind that this is our new reality…we create a new, empowering, positive Paradigm (belief system).
“You can attract only that which you mentally become and feel yourself to be in reality.”
~ Ernest Holmes ~
“Take bold, consistent action in the face of uncertainty.”
~ Jonathan Fields ~